It's no accident that I have never learned how (read: refused) to change my car's tire, and am content to ask men to do that for me. Mark and I have a tacit understanding that I do the housework and feed the family, while he changes the garbage disposal and fixes the toilet. And this is totally fine with me. I made the choice to fall into a domestic role, and to allow my children to observe and learn from this.
So I ask these questions: Am I living a life of integrity in accordance with my principles of fairness? Am I contributing to inequality between the genders? Am I perpetuating stereotypes that lead so easily into oppression and even violence? Experts say children are more likely to learn from a parent's actions, not her words. Am I depriving my children of the lesson that women are not obligated to lead a domestic life? Pardon the cliche, but if I am not part of the solution, am I part of the problem?
Feminism is not just about economic equality. Feminists believe that biological sex should not be the only factor in shaping a person's social identity. I could trade jobs with Mark -- I could clean out the nasty pond filter while he does the shopping and the laundry-- would this make a difference?
My tentative conclusion is that my family lives a quality life, and to the extent certain aspects of it match traditional, even antiquated, gender roles, that's okay as long as that is a choice freely made. It means I must work hard to teach my children that mine is a deliberate choice, that they are not bound to make the same choice, and they should not expect others to do the same, or judge them when they don't. How do I do this?
1 comment:
Equality is the key and it sounds like you have that. Regardless of what roles you and your hubby decide to fulfill-the key (IMHO) is that they be equal and fair and that neither feel resentful or unhappy with what they are charged with.
In a family, a household, a marriage--things have to get done. If you decide you like shopping and cooking more than trash and pond scum...then I think you are lucky to have found the ying to your yang in Mark.
Along with being a mother and a wife, you are also a professionally educated, highly intelligent, career woman. I think this example is enough to show your children that you are by no means fulfilling the stereotype-any stereotype for that matter. You are in fact paving the way by example- that women can in fact be all of these things, and not sacrifice inner happiness, drive or desire.
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